


Dolorous

by spacemermaid



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Dermatillomania, Gen, Skin Picking Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-09-22
Packaged: 2018-02-18 09:16:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2343167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacemermaid/pseuds/spacemermaid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Shimizu?”</p>
<p>“Ye-yeah?” Kiyoko squeezed her eyes shut, willing this whole situation to go away.</p>
<p>“Do you have eczema?” Yachi asked, deadpan.</p>
<p>“What?” Kiyoko couldn't quite trust her ears.</p>
<p>“A-ah. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry. Just forget I said anything.”</p>
<p>“No. I don’t have eczema.”<br/> </p>
<p>[Or Kiyoko has skin picking disorder, and she has to manage her life.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dolorous

**Author's Note:**

> dolorous  
> [dol-er-uh s, doh-ler-]  
> adjective  
> 1\. full of, expressing, or causing pain or sorrow; grievous; mournful

Ever since Kiyoko was barely a teenager, she has had problems with picking at her skin. It started with picking at her face, where acne was. She wouldn’t even notice it most of the time; only noticed when one of her friends would say something like, “you’re going to get acne scars if you keep doing that.” She’d stop, momentarily. She tried to hide the acne and scars with makeup. She was finally relieved when she found a good face wash that got rid of most of her acne. Only now, she was stuck with a lot of scars. So she kept wearing the makeup.

But now, as a third year in high school, she noticed that she picks at spots on her head; sometimes she will aim her attacks under her fingernails, as well. She starts scratching at a spot and it’s like she can’t stop. Not until her mind feels like it’s had its fill. She wishes it had an on and off switch. That way, while she was with other people, she wouldn’t have to embarrass herself, show people that she picks continuously at a spot for minutes on end.

Most of the time, when she starts picking at her head and one of her friends or somebody else notices, she’ll be lucky and they would say an offhanded comment like, “is you skin still dry? Maybe you should try changing shampoos, again.” And she would become aware of her picking, lower her hand, and give out a shy ‘yes’ before going back to what she was doing previously.

She has been pretty lucky that none of the third, or even second, years from the volleyball team have noticed. There have been a few close calls, especially with Daichi and Suga, but she reassures them that it is nothing and they, thankfully, accept her answer.

She has also been unlucky.

It had just been after Karasuno’s match against Ougiminami, the team with the 2 meter tall guy. She had stayed behind for a second to make sure the area was cleaned up and that nobody had left anything. Next thing she knows, a couple of guys have her back against the wall asking for her phone number.

“C’mon. It’s just a lousy phone number. How hard can it be to give it to me.” The shorter one said.

She was afraid to make eye contact, afraid of what he might think. “No thanks. So excuse me -” The taller one off to the side held his arm up to keep her in place.

The shorter one had put his hand in her hair, nearly touching her scalp. She was mentally panicking; she was almost certain he felt the unevenness of her skin. He hesitated, leaving his hand right next to the spot where she usually picked at; a spot at the back of her head, about five centimeters from the tip of her ear. But, instead, he withdrew his hand and continued begging for her number. She almost sighed in relief, but then realized she had to get out of there still. “What kind of phone do you have? A smart one? Or an old-fashioned kind?”

“If you could please step out of my way…”

Next thing she knows Hinata is standing in front of her, words falling out of his mouth without a filter. “Kiyoko is really precious to us, and we are running really late. So we will be leaving now.” He started to push Kiyoko out of the way and she couldn’t be more thankful.

But, to her horror, the shorter one just tossed Hinata to the side. She couldn’t help but scream, “Hinata!” But the guy demanded her attention, and she couldn’t help but face him. She was getting angry.

All of a sudden Hinata jumped right in front of him. “We would really like to be going now so-eep.” The shorter one had put his face right in front of Hinata.

“So you’re part of the team that beat the 2 meter tall guy? Good job, but I was hoping I could have some fun with him. We even came all this way to see him squash you guys. But, oh well~. Maybe we can meet up at the Representative Playoffs and I can have some fun against you. Well, seeya.” They started walking off and Kiyoko finally sighed in relief.

“Th-they stopped bothering you.” Hinata said.

“Yeah, but he focused all of his attention on. So, sorry.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. Thanks for grabbing my lunchbox.” He reached over and took it from her. “Sometimes, you’ve got to protect yourself. If a guy keeps pestering you after you told ‘em to stop, you take your hand like this and jutt it right to the tip of his nose.” He curled his fingers at the top, leaned his hand back 45 degrees, to where the heel of his palm was sticking out, and slammed it forward at an imaginary attacker. “Or if they are behind you, you take your elbow,” he brought his fist up higher and hit his elbow back with so much force, “and aim right for their stomach. Or, if you _really_ want them to stop without hurting them _too_ bad, if they are in front, you lift your knee right into-”

“Hinata? Thanks.” Kiyoko smiled fondly down at him.

He grew a slight shade of pink before stuttering out, “Ah, ye-yeah, Kiyo-Shimizu. Any time.” She was so grateful to him that she decided to bring him a bento for all of next week, much to Tanka’s and Nishinoya’s jealousy.

 

~*~

 

It was during one of their practices, and the boys were starting to warm up. Kiyoko was taking some last minute notes, while she told Yachi a few things to remember. Somehow they got off topic and started talking about their weekend plans.

“Maybe, since you don’t have anything to do, yet, and my schedule isn’t full...maybe I could cut your hair for you. If you want!” Yachi had stammered out.

Kiyoko tried to stay cool and level headed about the whole situation. Hopefully, she wasn’t letting on just how much she didn’t like that idea. How much she didn’t want Yachi to see all of her spots. “It is getting pretty long, but I don’t know.”

“I’m really good, honest. I’ve been practicing all summer. I even managed to cut my own hair. See?” She turned around so Kiyoko could get a better look.

“It does look even.” Kiyoko just couldn’t catch a break. She wanted to say ‘no’, but she also couldn’t do that to Yachi. “S-sure.”

“Great!” Yachi beamed up. “Would you like my address now?” Kiyoko handed over the notepad and pen to the younger girl.

****  


She arrived at Yachi’s address at 2 p.m., just as she had been instructed. She knocked on the door right as Yachi opened it.

“Come on in.” She opened the door wide enough so Kiyoko could squeeze in. “Do you need something to drink? Or a snack? Or anything?”

“I’m good, thanks.”

“Alright. The room’s this way.” They walked up a big staircase and walked into an even bigger bathroom. There was a chair sitting next to the sink where some scissors, a comb, and other utensils were located. “Have a seat.” Yachi motioned to the chair.

Kiyoko nervously sat down, worrying about what Yachi was going to say when she would start cutting close to her scalp.

Yachi started spraying water on her hair. “How short would you like it?” She called from behind Kiyoko.

“Just a little off the ends.”

“ _Whoa!_ ” Kiyoko started trying to find excuses to say about the spots before sighing when she heard the rest of what Yachi was saying. “You have really thick hair. Would you like me to thin it out?”

“Yeah.” _Damn! I should have said ‘no’. Now she is for sure going to see my scalp_. Kiyoko cursed herself.

It had been about ten minutes when Kiyoko could feel Yachi’s fingers touching the base of her hair. “Shimizu?”

“Ye-yeah?” Kiyoko squeezed her eyes shut, willing this whole situation to go away.

“Do you have eczema?” Yachi asked, deadpan.

“What?” Kiyoko couldn't quite trust her ears.

“A-ah. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry. Just forget I said anything.”

“No. I don’t have eczema.”

“Did you know you have all these splotches on your head? Have you ever seen a doctor? Maybe we should take you to one now!”

“Yachi, calm down.” She could hear Yachi take a deep breath in and let it out slowly.  “I don’t have eczema. I have this disorder called...dermatillomania. It’s where I pick and scratch at my skin a lot. To be honest, I was hoping you wouldn’t see it.” She could feel the tears pricking the corners of her eyes.

“So you didn’t want anybody to know?” Yachi inquired.

“Right.” Kiyoko confirmed.

“Then I’ll just pretend like I didn’t see it. But, Shimizu? If you ever want to talk about it, I’ll listen to you. Or if you ever need help with anything, I’ll help. You don’t have to be alone.”

“Thank you, Yachi.” Kiyoko let the tears escape.

 

~*~

 

She had decided to stay behind for a few minutes, since she had been feeling awful all week. Next thing she realizes is that she’s on the floor, crying.  Her mind had come to the realization that her friends won’t hate her because of her disorder. If anything, they would help her out. They would support her and love her.

She didn’t quite realize when Asahi had walked in, not until he was crouching behind her, panicking.

“Kiyoko, are you okay? Do you need something? Can I get you a tissue? Is everything okay? What do I need to do?” came spewing out of his mouth so fast, and he kept waving his hands around while looking for some help. She couldn’t help but chuckle while she started wiping away some tears.

“ _Asahi!_ What did you _do_ to Kiyoko?” Daichi’s booming voice came from across the gym, only making Asahi panic more.

Suga had joined him at his side. “Daichi, don’t yell. You’ve gotta hit him!”

Suga started running towards Asahi before the bigger guy yelled out, “I didn’t do anything! I swear! I came in here and she was already crying!”

Kiyoko finally stood up and spoke to her fellow third years. “He’s telling the truth. I just thought of how lucky I am to be a part of this team. To have all of you as my friends and family. I’m just so lucky. I thought...I thought if I told you guys something, then you would think differently of me. But I was foolish. So, sorry.”

Daichi walked over and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “We would never think of you any differently than we do now. And of course we’re your family. We’ve been together for this long, so it’s not going to change any time soon.”

“So whenever you are ready to talk, we’ll always be here to listen.” Suga gave her a caring smile.

“We’ll always be by your side, Kiyoko. Don’t ever forget that.” Asahi said from behind the other two.

Kiyoko was so overcome with joy that she almost let some more tears slip out. “Come on. I owe you guys an apology ice cream.”

“How about we buy you one. Since you were the one crying.” Asahi offered up.

Most of the walk had been quiet, and she decided that she was going to tell them about her disorder. Definitely not today, but soon. Before their last year of high school is over.


End file.
